I Am.

I decorated her nursery. I daydreamed of names. I took all the child rearing classes. I counted down the days until her arrival. I felt her move/hiccup/kick inside of me for months and months. I cried at every ultrasound and heartbeat.


I have loved her with every ounce of my being since that stick on September 13th said "Pregnant." I have been called Mom/Mommy/Mamma by everyone, I gave birth to her and have enjoyed every single day of being with her and taking care of her.
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But it had still not seemed real. I still couldn't grasp it. It felt like a dream.
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Addie is a very happy baby. A very independent baby. I bet if I gave her the opportunity, she would change her diapers herself. She is this happy rolly polly little girl who has completely blessed our lives. I still had trouble believing she was mine.
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Sunday night she had very painful gas/constipation and I was up with her for hours upon hours through the night. Massaging her little belly, bouncing her on my knee, holding her tummy against my warm skin, trying to help relieve her pain. Oh, she was in such pain, I couldn't bear it and I wanted to take it away. She was SO tired, so uncomfortable. She'd fall asleep for a few minutes until the pain would wake her and she squirm and cry out. We stayed up together until the wee hours of the morning. At about 4:30am, after such a long night, she laid her head against my shoulder and looked up at me and stared. Her poor eyes so tired she could barely hold them open. She nestled as close as she could to my body and let out a small sigh/whimper.
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THAT is when I became a mother. I felt it. I believed it. In the last final moments of dark before the sun came up, we had made it through together. I was the only one that could comfort her, the only one that could understand and feel the pain she was going through.
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She needed me. And it was the best feeling in the world.
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The love I have for her cannot be measured and I understand what parents everywhere have been feeling for so long.
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I am a mother. I am her mother.
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And I would do absolutely anything for my daughter.
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